A Life
by Moonlightstarangel13
Summary: I am Sakura and I want to know what you think about it.


Everyone at one point wishes they could die. I like many others have as well. Even for simple reason such as my sister. I love her to death but I also despise her from the bottom of my heart what's worse is that I can't help it. No matter what I do I hate her. I feel it in my heart every time my mom praises her or talks greatly about her. It's not that she doesn't talk great about me because she does but when it's about 'her' I can't help it. When she praises my older sister I don't care but when it comes to my younger one I have a strong and uncomfortable feeling swell up inside me. When this happens I start to wish I could die because I know I shouldn't be feeling all of this hate especially towards my little sister. I won't hurt her because no matter how much I hate her I also love her. This is why just a simple thing makes me think of death. I have thought of plenty of ways to die that wouldn't fail. I'm not stupid though I won't kill myself because I have things I want to do. When I tell them to others what they say is that I'm empty just living because I have life. I for one I don't care. I want to be rich but then again who doesn't? I'm studying to be Anesthesiologists which will take me about 11 years at least. After that I will go into business which I am also taking class for. I am going to make it no matter what. People have asked me do you plan to get married? Have kids? I can easily say no, instead I want to be rich and give money to my family, who have been through so much with me and be alone. At this moment I'm in love and I love him with all my heart and he makes me so happy that it is impossible to describe in words. I try to show him through actions but I'm not the romantic type. I love him and never want to lose him but I feel like he is too good for me and that sooner or later he is going to realize that he can have someone a lot better than me. When I think about it I wanna cry but it's the truth I don't believe in forever or that love can go through it all. I will fight for him and put my best effort into this relationship because he has the power to make me feel happy like no one else can. He will be the one to break me down. ( I will break emotionally) I will cry alone because people don't need to see me in a weak state and the next day I will smile to everyone so that no one asks what's wrong. That's the way it has always been. I lived through my father's affair and the divorce. I have had my older sister break down and become suicidal until she left me with a pregnant mother and her new husband. I cried myself to sleep but no one knows that because the next morning I got up and smiled because my mother did not need to worry about me. I was stupid I let myself be played by a monster. You know how people say "I've been sleeping with the enemy"? Well I was, my mother's husband would molest me day after day. At first it was interesting because I didn't know. I was a normal innocent six-year-old. He started to scary me when he noticed I was realizing what he was doing. I loved my mother more than myself so he would tell me that if I told her she would hate me or that he would cut her into pieces and hide her in the mountains. He would hit me in places that could be covered by clothes so that no one in school would ask questions. I soon learned to ignore what he did. The pain he inflicted would only make me numb and I wouldn't care where he touched me. I just wanted it to end. In school I was a teacher's pet my grades started to go up in 3rd grade. I was nice to everyone but violent with anyone who would try to hurt my friends. To my mother I was good kid because I was clam and wouldn't do bad things. I got into a gang, meet great people who didn't judge me and loved me for me. A had a great friend; she became my guardian angel and my sister. She was the best person in the world and the only one who knew everything about me but wouldn't tell anyone about. Seconds became minutes, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years. In 8th grade I got sick for months and was on my way to my death yet I smiled every day at my mother. I have many ways to explain what happened but not everyone would believe. At this time was when my gang and I disappeared, I was sick and couldn't even be with them. My angel got murder and I didn't want anything to do with the people who were my connection to her. (I broke socially). My 'sickness' was not something the doctors could diagnose. I couldn't get help verbally and no one would see my bruises so my body tried to show it by giving me the worse pain in the world. The doctors gave me drugs to try and lessen my pain but nothing worked. (I broke physically). I got better. I was 13 when I was done I couldn't bear it and after years of him telling me that if I gave myself to him it would all end and that I finally get the dad I never had. I gave in. (I broke mentally) But it didn't stop and he wanted more. And after so long I broke down and told my mother. I was scared but I didn't care I wanted to die more than anyone else in the world. Everyone was going to hate me and he was going to hurt them. I didn't beg for death because I had begged for him to stop. I prayed for him to stop. I wished on a million stars but it never happen so I didn't beg, pray, wish, I just wanted. I felt more pain but I could bear it because I had already been through hell. (I got torn emotionally so I was able to survive).

This is based on a true story. I don't know If I want to continue my other storys because I have just lost another important person and to be honest I don't feel like writing but you never know the future so I just might continue it.


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